i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize