Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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