Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
