I want to walk on stilts...naked
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
