Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm passing your future prison.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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