I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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