We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
