What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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