you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm drive I can fine osifer
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
