Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
