now i know why i became what i already was.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
