so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
