and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
