party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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