I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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