how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
