Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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