Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
