I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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