im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
