Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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