I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
