Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
