i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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