My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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