I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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