I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
