Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
