I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
