Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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