Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
