I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
