i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
