So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
