Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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