You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
we should paint friendship bongs
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