She is in my trunk
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
