He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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