so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
