Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize