i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
