ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We left an ass print on the piano.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
