matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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