it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
