I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
