Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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