It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
