So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
