I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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