the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
