sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
