You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and she was petting her beer can
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
