I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
