I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize