We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
