New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
