I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
