Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Mom said you looked used
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
