i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Say something about gay babies.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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