Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
