Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
