dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
