I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
