and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize