can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
