just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
