The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
