I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Randomize