I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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